Thursday, 27 October 2011
[It's not about you, it's me]
So... my second blog from Germany.
I’ve been meaning to get round to it for quite a while now (more or less since the day after I posted the previous one) but a simple retelling of what I’ve been up to, as I originally planned, just doesn’t seem right at the moment. There are bigger, more important issues around than those everyday things that I’ve been seeing or experiencing (while I appreciate the “sacredness” of everyday life and everyday experiences, I think that these should be put on the backburner for the time being) so I’ve wanted to take a quick break from those for a little while to be able to fully get to grips with more... abstract issues, shall we say.
I’ve been wanting to blog about several things recently, but they all seem to be *just* out of my reach. There are several situations I’ve found myself in recently:
a) I’ve wanted to blog, but not known what about
b) I’ve wanted to blog, got a subject but not sure how to phrase what I’m thinking into words (or even not really sure what I’m thinking about...
c) I’ve wanted to blog, got a subject and know roughly what I want to say about it, but then as soon as I turn around to put
to paper fingers to keys I forget, or the thought that I had goes right out
of my head.
I’m sure that anyone who’s ever blogged will know exactly what I’m on about. Some people I know don’t seem to suffer from it (I remain convinced that they actually type up a load of blogs to keep them going through times lacking in inspiration... maybe I should do that!), others just don’t blog (like me) and some carry on blogging, but I notice a distinct shift in their blogging style. Posts will be shorter, less focused and usually apologetic. [Ooops... how many of those have I done myself, in this blog alone?]
Anyway, in my search for inspiration today I went back to reading Jessica Cheetham’s blog, and from there was directed to another blog that I really like – that of Jamie Wright, “the very worst missionary”. She seems like a pretty darn good one through her witness on the web (I liked the alliteration, okay?) The post that I stumbled across was what she was about. And that really made me think. At the end of her post, she asks “What are you about?” and “What do you wish you were about?” and this really got me thinking. Usually when people ask to introduce yourself, or say a bit about yourself, this isn’t the kind of style you go for. Usually, you’d go for the style that’s in my “About me” box (as an example). As in, “I’m a student and I’m interested in Methodism and the World” and blah blah blah. Nothing that really says what you’re about though.
So, what am I about?
Believe it or not, I’m about early mornings. I’m about snow and storms.
I’m about good company. I'm about friends and wine. I’m about companionship. I’m about caring, and allowing yourself to be cared for. Sometimes I’m not very good at that.
I’m about recognising things I don’t like. I’m about being pragmatic. I’m about thinking the best of people. Usually. I’m about organising. I’m about getting distracted far too often. I’ve moved to another country to try to get this to change.
I’m about eating too much. I’m about not knowing when to stop. I’m about not knowing when to say no. Oh, and I’m all about carbs. I’m about walking. I wish I was about the Gym, or about higher metabolism. I’m about hating my legs and my stomach. I wish I was about motivation to change.
I’m about thinking too much. I’m about cynicism. I’m about hurting those I love. If I love you, I’ll probably hit you, or be mean or sarcastic to you. And you know what? I’m about crying alone, and brave faces in public.
I’m about tradition. I’m about respect. I’m about breathing the love of Christ, though I don’t show in the same ways as other people.
I’m about other people. I wish I was about the Church not thinking that it’s ONLY for the benefit of non-members. I wish I was about the Church recognising that within its ranks there are so many broken and hurt people, there only for the grace of God, only to be told that the focus is on the people outside the doors. Don’t get me wrong, those outside are definitely important too, but the Church should be like a family, taking care of those within as well as those outside. So many hurt people don’t think that they have the “right” to be hurt, because they are in the Church. I wish I was about getting this spoken about. I’m about support.
I’m about story-telling. I’m about travelling. I’m about new things.
I’m all about family. I’m about laughter. I’m about happiness. I’m about love. But only when it suits.
I wish I was more about allowing God to change me. But I’m too often about me to allow that to happen.
I’m about not being honest enough. I’m about being too honest. I’m about making mistakes. I’m about trying again.
What are you about?