[it's what you do to me]

Oh dear.

Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

oh dear.

UCAS is now submitted. Out of my hands.

I can't do any more.

I can't add another 6 random lines on the end of that statement.

I can't change the grades if I retake.

I can't change my mind about the universities

I can't change it.

I can't take it back.

It's over. The nightmare that was the UCAS application is complete...

I'm that one step closer. One step closer to packing up my life and walking out of the front door, and not coming back for three months at least.

Part of me (the bigger part) will not wait.

I want to go to uni.

I want to wear my proper clothes again and just be me. None of this silly playing the part at school, because that was who you were five years ago.

I want to meet new people, make new friends, learn new things.

I want to have my own life in my own part of the country.

I want to have my own place.

I want to grow up. I want to stay this age forever. I want to be young again.

I don't want to go to uni. I'm too young; too immature.

I'd live off junk food, be in debt from the first week and be terrified of failing the whole thing. Wait. I AM terrified of failing the whole thing. This is, of course, assuming that my A levels are good enough for where I put on my UCAS form. Because all of my unis ask for very similar grades.

So it'll be clearing for me, if the grades aren't up to scratch. Another adventure for another time, I fear...

I just want to skip the next eight or nine months, and go.

Despite all this, I have started to make a list of all the things that I could possibly need at uni. If anyone has any further suggestions, they would be most welcome. Anyway, the list... (sounding slightly like PS, I Love You now):

• Student Bank Account. Not got. But NatWest do one where you get a free 5 year railcard... must look into it.
• Insurance. Likewise. And no clue whatsoever.
• Duvet, Pillow and Sheets. I think that this depends on my uni actually. Still, I lumped them all together because they're all the same thing really. Well, sort of. I've got them though :P
• Camera. This, from what I have seen, is really mainly for Freshers' Week. I have one, but the battery consumption is so high it's ridiculous...
• TV licence - no point as I'm not going to have a tv. If there's anything that good on, I'll watch it on Trevor. Or Trevor Junior. I'll get onto that...
• USB stick. Somehow, I'm not sure that my one will be enough, or if it's hardy enough for uni. We'll see how long it lasts...
• Posters. I have no posters. I have postcards and funny little bits everywhere. My walls are white so my things are colourful. And I have a lot of things. You know, those "things" that you don't really need and have no idea why they're actually there.
• Extensio Cables. I have a feeling I will need quite a few. They are on my wishlist - I have a couple here but I'm not sure whether I'd be allowed to run off with them...
• MP3. Oh yes. That is most certainly coming, as it is almost permanently in my bag...
• Fairy Washing Powder (for clothes). Well, I don't want my clothes to smell, do I? Fairy smells the nicest.
• Towels. I have quite a few of these but I have no idea how many to take. Hmm. Will give it some thought.
• Coathangers. I think this really depends on which clothes I take, which will in turn depend on my uni. Safe to say I'll need at least 10.
• Blutack. Just a generally good thing to have really. It always comes in useful... especially for those "posters"...
• Pins. All the rooms that I've looked in have noticeboards... and what good are they without pins?
• Food. I think here I mean more like the snacky kind of food, until I decide whether I'm going catered or self-catered. This will also depend on the uni... but includes cake ;)
  
• Paper/Pens. How much of this kind of stuff to bring, I also do not know. I'd always use it I guess, so there's no upper limit...
• Folders. Makes notes look much neater!
• Bible. This should probably have gone further up... but I've not mentioned Trev yet either...
• Laptop. As Trev is getting older and older I do think that he is contemplating dying. He's certainly in retirement as he is slow and is constantly plugged in. I sense a Trevor Junior...
• Door Stop. (Thanks Brooke/Fiona) Thanks to Coral (for suggesting random pressies) and ... yes, I think Coral again for it, I actually have a door wedge. Sorted.
• Fairy lights (thanks Brooke/Fiona/Claire or Julie, can't remember who Linda said). Mine are currently "artistically" spread over the top of my bookcase. They'd look better in my uni room.
• Clothes. Always a good start...

So, there's the list... please feel free to add to it...

:)